Moms Matter: Stop Settling for Last Place
I have to say, I love being 30 years old. Even though my entire 29th year felt like I was marching in a funeral procession, since hitting the big 3–0, I have felt like nobody is going to knock me down.
You see, I have four kids, a husband, two cats and a dog. Let’s just say, up until I turned 30, the litter box saw more attention than I did. I had a bad case of Mom Comes in Last Place and it was sending me into a succubus of depression. Correction, it was sending me deeper into an already black hole of depression.
I saw turning 30 as my beacon in the storm. My chance to say, “You know what? I fucking matter. I am not going to buy bras at Walmart anymore just because I don’t leave the house.”
So, I don’t.
It’s fucking amazing.
Not only do I feel better about myself, I feel so much less trapped. Being a stay-at-home or work-at-home mom can be extremely isolating. Sure, you have eight little hands and 12 little paws touching you ever 14 seconds throughout the day, but that’s not enough. You need something else.
Since taking matters into my own hands, I have lost weight, pursued my dreams and actually (gasp!) laugh with my kids more. Being a mom doesn’t mean you give up everything and become a shadow of what you once were. Being a mom means showing your kids how to live their best lives. You wouldn’t ever want to see your kids cry because all they want is to feel like a person again.
Don’t do that to yourself either.
Lead by example.
Here are someways I have decided, that even though I am a boring old mom, I am a person. I matter and I am not depriving myself any longer.
- Makeup. I’m not saying I have to wear it daily or at all if I don’t care to, but, if someone asks me to go out to dinner, I don’t want to have to refuse because all I have is a half a tube of glitter hairspray leftover from Halloween.
- Good coffee. You see, coffee isn’t just a luxurious pick-me-up in the morning, any longer. Coffee is my life force. The only way my body continues to function is because caffeine keeps my heart pumping. I’m not drinking shit that tastes like it came out of a tin cup in World War II. I am buying whatever the hell I love and I’m going to drink that shit hot.
- A babysitter. Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom. I am not, however, a live-at-home mom. I am sick of feeling like it will be 2018 before I can leave the house without 16 hours of preparation and 3 Xanax tablets. Just having an option makes it seem a little less Shining around here.
- Pants with pockets. Again, if I want to wear yoga pants to dinner, so be it. I just want to have the option of a pair of pants that don’t double as gym (OK, really, pajama) pants. There’s something about not having a pair of jeans that is oddly depressing. You are human. You deserve to have pockets if you want pockets.
- Vacations. This is so disgustingly important. Up until last week, my husband and I hadn’t had a night away from our kids in two years. TWO. YEARS. What the hell is wrong with us??? Believe me, I know it’s a guilt trip. Let me tell you, those eight, blissful, uninterrupted hours of sleep were worth every second of guilt. Plus, my kids were elated to have us gone. No joke. Once Grandma showed up, all they kept asking was, “When are you leaving?” Let’s just say, we all needed a little breather. I got to have a cocktail, play slots, sleep naked, eat such bad food and my husband and I giggled like we were young whipper-snappers again.
All in all, your list might look entirely different. Maybe you are dying for time with your friends who are equally dying for you. Maybe you want a new purse even if it’s just to keep it on a shelf so it doesn’t get puked on. Whatever your need is, know this, it is a need. Yes, it might seem frivolous, but your happiness is the most important thing your family needs.