What! You’re Pregnant Again!
Let me start by saying that I am Not pregnant. Though I am at a number of children where if I were to say I was pregnant, or that I wanted another one, I would get the looks and the questions. For example: don’t you think 3 is enough? What do you want a basketball team? How can you afford another one? Shouldn’t you be happy with what you already have? Aren’t you tired of changing diapers?
When you are young and single you are asked by family, friends, and even strangers, “When are you going to settle down get married and start a family?” If you have a boyfriend the questions are, “when are you two going to get serious and get married so you can start a family?” Once you take that walk down the aisle then it’s “when is the baby coming?” Heaven forbid if you state you don’t even want kids, or that you want to wait. The family will say they understand, even go as far as saying they think you’re smart for waiting, but as soon as you leave grandma will chime in, “she needs to have them while she is young, that way she still has the energy, and can bounce back quicker.”
Then there are some of us who married and started having children before the family expectations came. If you’re one of those people, like I am, before you know it you’re a family of four with a full house. Next holiday comes around and you announce to your wonderful family that you’re expecting again. Most are happy for you. Others question why you wanted another one. “Two isn’t enough?”
Now I am very happy with my three, and to be honest I would have been OK stopping at two. There are even moments when having another one closer to my youngest age crosses my mind. How much crazier could 4 be than 3? I know it would be tough with no sleep, teething, potty training, and etc. It just doesn’t seem all that much time when I look back on my older two. Going through it now with my 1 year old feels more straining than the first two. This is just a feeling. Something my husband and I can decide at a later date.
Society seems to put people, especially couples, in a box. As long as you get married and have just the right number of children, then you are perfect. Decide not to have kids and most will assume that you’re not living a full life. Decide to have more and you are being greedy or excessive.
Now I won’t lie, I catch myself judging too. Since I am a mother of three I know what it takes from you. I even catch myself when some people say they want 4 kids… I cringe a little.
Why do we have opinions about the choices others make? I am fortunate enough to raise our children strictly off our income. I am not saying we have never struggled. We had to ask for help and we paid it back. But we have never depended on that help to raise our kids. If we decide we want an even number of family members living in our house why should anyone have feelings about it? Let alone why should anyone feel they need to give us their opinions on it?
It’s easy to say, don’t let what people say get to you. It’s easy to say make your decision for you and your family alone. The reality is: friends and family judge you the most, making it much harder to ignore.
I have learned I can never make others completely happy, but it was really never about making anyone else happy. It’s about making you and your spouse happy. It’s about the family you do or do not want to make. I always wanted a big family. I was an only child for 12 years. I want my children to always have a someone. Even though none of my children were planned, they were all a part of what I wanted. Of course, when I said I wanted a big family before having kids I never knew about all the work it entailed.
If you ask me right now I do not want any more kids. Even if I did so what?
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