5 Reasons why I don’t have Mom Friends
I guess this title is a bit misleading so let me clarify right at the beginning. I do have a select few Mom friends I chat with on occasion but I NEVER get the chance to meet up with them and spend time with them… in person. Using the good ole social media networks as my only way to communicate with peers has never been satisfying. I believe it adds to my feelings of isolation while at home with two toddlers, staring at a screen and texting only goes so far.
In my pursuit to create Kindred and help fellow women defeat the isolation we face as moms, I’ve started to psycho analyze why it is that I don’t really have Mom friends. After spending months thinking through different reasons I have narrowed it down to these 5 points.
5 reasons why I don’t have Mom Friends:
- Maybe it’s just me?
Yes, that is my first thought and I’m sure it’s yours as well. (If it wasn’t thank you for not judging me!) But seriously! With all the different parenting and lifestyle choices it’s really hard to not feel like you’re the weird one and everyone else is normal.
None of my pre-kid friends got pregnant with me.
Prior to entering Motherhood I was in a sorority and had plenty of girl friends I would hang out with. Girls night was the BEST! After finding out I was pregnant, those girl friends slowly started to drift away. They mainly did this because they were still in party mode. Unfortunately, my non-going out all the time lifestyle didn’t really fit. Over time those friendships broke down to mere acquaintances over social media, where it was never a bad parting to unfriend/unfollow one another.
After years of no contact I now see their pregnancy and birth announcements pop up in my feed via Facebook. I always wish them the best but never take the convo past that point. Maybe my inner self slightly resents I had to go it alone? Something I really need to work on…
3. Most activities to meet fellow moms cost money.
As a family of four on a single income we have to watch EVERY penny we spend, especially because every extra penny we have goes towards building our startup. I would love to do a Mommy and me yoga class or Gymboree to meet fellow moms. The reality is it costs money to go and then there is only an off chance hope you might awkwardly strike up a convo with a fellow mom there. I’m not a fan of gambling and would much rather take the kids to the park instead, free = within my budget.
- side note: Yes there are free activities to go to, the same rules apply minus the spending money part. They also are much harder to find!
Mommy Groups only attract certain types of moms.
I STRONGLY believe every mom needs her Mama Tribe. Shit, this is exactly why I am building Kindred. With that said I have been to all different types of Mommy groups and the high school flashbacks are intense! It’s like a version of Mean girls where you are scared to not agree with the group leaders in fear of being cast out.
If there were a craigslist for mommy groups I’d be all about it! Unfortunately the ones I’ve been to are too extreme in one direction. If you aren’t organic only, exclusive breastfeeding, a SAHM with a large disposable income to go shopping often, have a nanny/babysitter to go out on frequent girls nights, believe home schooling is the best and can’t believe other parents who *gasp* send their children to public school….. I mean seriously the list goes on for the different groups I’ve attended meetings and play dates with.
The days of high school are FAR behind me now and I’ll be leaving most of those Mommy groups right where they belong. Notice how I said most? There are diamond in the roughs for Mommy groups that you’d fit in perfectly with, I just have never had the honor of finding them. Something I am hoping to easily find when Kindred is live!
Mom Brain and Awkward Mom
Imagine the perfect scene where you are at the park, your child(ren) are playing and a fellow mom shows up. She sits close (but not to close) enough for you to strike up a convo…. so you do. The “how old are your kids?” and “ Aww they are so cute” usual phrases go around.
A few different what-ifs happen:
- Then your child does something embarrassing OR hers does. You or her hurriedly fix the problem and probably leave the park… hoping you never meet again and are “that mom”.
- The conversation goes well enough to get to the “Do you come here often?” part. After that is said she awkwardly answers “yeah it’s different days every week though…” and then she stays silent. You aren’t sure where to go next and stay silent as well. She gathers up her kid and leaves the park without saying goodbye or does a little wave and leaves.
- You GET PAST the “do you come here often?” part and FINALLY exchange numbers. After leaving you wonder who should text first and when is TOO soon to plan the next meet up.
Sounds too much like dating right? Or it’s hard to hold a conversation while looking over our children playing? I have personally faced these scenarios and heard from other moms share similar experiences. It is especially hard when your children are under school aged.
My take away from this all is that as women we naturally try to “compete” with one another. This holds true with the Mom bashing and high school-like Mommy groups. If you are randomly meeting a new potential Mom friend you try to put on your best face and “act like you have it all together”. It never works, usually, and leaves us wondering why we can’t connect with one another.
I’m doing my best to not do the “I have it all together” act. It’s something I have to be conscious of daily. I also am anxiously waiting until I can be suggested Mama Maybes from my app… fellow moms who have the same interests as me. I mean how awesome would it be to not have to search for new mom friends and have them suggested to you?!?
Good luck out there with your Mom friend search everyone! If you are lucky enough to have found that diamond in a rough Mama Tribe already, hang on to their friendships and enjoy! For the rest of us sign up for Kindred’s newsletter and receive updates on our app’s progress. I cannot wait until it is ready!
I’d love to hear all your experiences when trying to make new Mom friends! Please share them in the comments below. ❤